How To Abolish The If-Then Mindset (The Root Cause Of Your Suffering)

Oscar Lagrosen
2 min readMay 16, 2022

If you are like 99% of people: you believe this:

If X (boyfriend/girlfriend, money, promotion, follower count, car, house, kids, goal reached, desired weight) happens, THEN I will be fulfilled and happy

There are multiple problems with it:

  • You cannot feel truly happy right now because of this internal contract
  • When you finally reach it, there is the next thing that must be chased after
  • In addition, the celebration of the accomplishment feels underwhelming for the most part
  • The hedonic treadmill effect will make you happy for a short time when upgrading and then quickly revert to your initial restless state.

You are chasing something non-existent while ignoring your current life. The future never comes but in the now. If you are not embracing the present moment enough, there is no joy.

This leads to the following dark (but liberating) truth:

You have two choices: Either enjoy life right now or never enjoy it

Imagine that you are chasing the tantalizing light in the distance while your path and place are grey and dark. This is what a life of non-enjoyment looks like.

But if you light up exactly where you are and use it as a torch, your entire path will be glowing. You will still travel through time anyway, so let every inch be memorable.

If you are fulfilled in the present moment, you can start to act unconditionally with generosity. People like selfless and generous acts and will support you more, making you reach the previously desired state faster. Give to receive, help others to help yourself.

Nothing will save you but you.

You ultimately have to make the best of your situation since other alternatives are worse.

By at least fully accepting where you are, you can navigate more effectively and totally live every second. Enjoy the doing, being, and pain for its own sake.

It’s not going to be better unless you make it so. You do it by being totally present.

Oscar Lagrosen

Writes high quality tutorials about note-taking apps